Casino Stereotypes That Drive Me Crazy

I’m a writer stereotype. This is something that I have come to terms with. I brood a great deal more than is socially acceptable, smoke, drink utterly obscene amounts of coffee, struggle to sleep, and can put off almost any female that shows an interest in me with a carefully placed, albeit unintentional, inappropriate statement.

That is a writer stereotype, correct? And not just me being terrible at talking to women?

The point is that there are stereotypes aplenty in the world, and I think everyone would be much happier if they just embraced them. By golly, if you’re a goth stereotype, I say apply even more dark eye shadow, recite even more depressing poetry, and make the world feel your gothy presence.

And, if you’re a casino stereotype… well, we’re about to get there in a second.

The Big Spender

Okay, stereotypes do actually often drive me bonkers, if we’re being completely honest. And casino stereotype are probably some of the worst. The one that gets under my skin the most is the notion of a big spender. In movies the big spender is always a guy who rolls up in a sports car, climbs out with hair so perfect it was surely plucked from a doll, and proceeds to throw down wads of cash onto the tables, without ever registering an emotion.

The big spender is always portrayed as someone who should be admired, as if there is something admirable about having absolutely zero understanding of how casinos, and casino games, actually work.

Being a big spender in reality means simply playing for higher stakes. And this, anyone with a vague understanding of such things as real currency value, does not mean throwing down money because it was apparently burning a hole in one’s pocket. Playing at higher stakes works in much the same way as playing for lower stakes. And owning a sports car, and having doll’s hair, is not a requirement.

The Magical Card Counter

There are a number of movies that show card counters as being somewhat related to Merlin the Magician. In The Hangover, as I recall, the character had mathematical equations floating around his head, as his eyes darted across the table in clear indication of magic being performed. A similar thing happened in Rain Man. Although, let’s face it, Rain Man is a far superior movie.

Not only is card counting not a sure fire guaranteed way to win, as shown in the movies, but it is also a guaranteed way to get yourself thrown out of a casino. Also, mathematical equations never float around your head when using it.

Card counting provides an advantage in favour of the player, but is not unbeatable, plus it is incredibly hard to do correctly, and a person capable of it would be far better off using that brainpower for something productive.

The Magical Gambling Champion

And since we’re on the subject of portraying gamblers as magical, my all time worst gambling stereotype is the charming, good looking hero who has somehow manifested the power of defying natural laws of odds.

Generally seen as a quirky, fun loving fellow who smiles a great deal, and is adorable for his roguishness, this stereotype is good at gambling, beyond all logical reason. He somehow draws better hands than those around him, wins at an alarmingly unrealistic rate, and will often get the girl. He gets the girl, I’m assuming, by the same magic that allows him to receive hands beyond the casino odds other humans live by.

I hate this stereotype, this character in movies, and wish that they would all share with me the magical powers that help them be unnaturally good at casino games.

The Hovering Girl

The above-mentioned magical gambling champion often has an attractive girl with a magnificent cleavage hovering around him. She will blow on dice when asked, cheer fanatically when the magical hero wins, and be super turned on by winning. So, as is clear to see, her and magical gambling champion guy are born to be together.

Her goal in life, apparently, is to hover around casino tables with her magnificent cleavage until locating a magical gambling champion to attach herself to. She never gambles herself; of course, she leaves this to the hero. But, when money begins to gather on any casino table, anywhere in the world, she manifests. As if the power of a pile of money alone is enough to conjure her. James Bond could manifest more than one of the mythical girls at a time, the poor devil.

I have never seen such a girl in real life, but apparently they exist, since they are present in almost every gambling movie ever made. In real life, ladies often make far better gamblers than men. So, perhaps I will pioneer the hovering guy stereotype, undo a few buttons and see if I can’t attach myself to a lady gambler.

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